My "journey"

Journey...I wrestle with this word. I don't know why but I like to use words like process, instead. It's just one of those words that kind of, well, bugs me. However, I feel like I have been in the process...ok, journey...of being sanctified in a area that I didn't view as possible. Good thing God is God and I am not. He knew. You see, I have a husband who has a very busy job. I love my husband with every cell of me and so do my kids. It's hard to have him so busy because we love him and miss him SO MUCH. So the journey began when the busy job began. Except that I wasn't doing anything to spiritually prepare. Each busy season would come and I would sort of bear it to get through and just let it happen to me...but not with a happy heart.at.all. I found, in the process, that I was miserable this way and so were my kids who had to be subject to my sinfulness. It wasn't until he got a new job, another busy job (that we prayed for diligently), that my sin in this area reared it's ugly head and it was big and festering and this time I couldn't ignore it. And I didn't. I heard a message a month ago about having my own faith in Jesus and suddenly, at that moment, it became crystal clear that my faith...my trust...my strength...was coming from Kenny. It was almost as if I believed that his physical presence gave me strength to parent my children. Huh? That sounds absurd! But it was true. So after that message I got serious about changing. I asked my small group and close friends and family to commit this to prayer and I prayed for myself...a lot. I reminded myself over and over and over about what is True...all to prepare for more "busyness". Remember how I said I didn't think it was possible for me to change in this area? Uh huh...humbled again. Good thing God is God and I am not. The latest opportunity for my testing of faith (James 1:2-3) was so incredibly amazing. Not because my days were filled with me being a perfect, have-it-all-together mommy but because I was so aware of God's hands all over our week. Praise You Lord!!!! All this wasted time of living for Friday became refocused to living with a true love and reverence for the Holy One who was actually in charge, not me. So our days are still busy and I am still exhausted at the end but the joy and satisfaction of shepherding my children solo and being in the moment with them has been a huge answer to prayer! Good thing God is God and I am not.